This isn’t get woke, go broke.
This is get woke, shove a stick in your spokes, hit the ground, start to choke, have a stroke, and then croak broke.
The Wedding Banquet opened Friday on 1,142 theaters and made exactly — tee hee — $922,906.
Maybe you can locate why Normal People might not find it appealing from this description:
[Kelly Marie] Tran leads the heartfelt rom-com as Angela, a scientist who is one-fourth of a cohabitating queer friend group living in Seattle. Angela and her partner, Lee (Lily Gladstone), want to start a family, but Lee’s costly IVF treatments aren’t working. Another couple, Chris (Bowen Yang) and Min (Han Gi-Chan), live in their garage. When Min’s wealthy grandmother (Youn Yuh-jung) pressures him to leave his artist life behind for an important role in the family’s corporation in Korea, Min scrambles to find a way to stay in the U.S., given that his student visa is about to become invalid. His plan? Stage a marriage to Angela to secure a green card, and he’ll pay for Lee’s IVF treatment in return.
Maybe it was hurt by bad reviews? Nope: 88 percent fresh at Rotten Tomatoes. Critics love this shit.
Maybe it was review-bombed by the evil right wing? Nope: 82 percent fresh from moviegoers.
Maybe people no longer want to see original movies? Nope: it’s a remake of a 1993 movie that earned $23.6 million 32 years ago.
Look at that description:
- “one-fourth of a cohabitating queer friend group”
- “IVF treatments”
- “his student visa is about to become invalid”
- “secure a green card”
Who exactly is this movie’s constituency? Come one, come all, you gay illegal aliens looking to get pregnant through IVF!
Imagine the bubbled arrogance required to drop this into nearly 1,200 theaters.
To give you an idea of how bad The Wedding Banquet performed, the re-release of a 20-year-old movie more than doubled its per-screen average. Pride and Prejudice (2005) enjoyed a 20th anniversary re-release on 1,393 theaters this weekend, earning $2.7 million with a per-screen average of $1,938. The Wedding Banquet’s per-screen average was just $808, which means you could have hurled live grenades in those theaters without hurting anyone.
Meanwhile, Angel Studios’ animated Christ story, King of Kings, grossed another $17.3 million for a total of $45.39 million after two weekend. Oh, and The Chosen: Last Supper Parts 1, 2, and 3 have earned a combined gross of almost $45 million, and that’s a TV show that will soon stream for free.
And no, I have not seen The Wedding Banquet. I don’t watch gay stuff.
John Nolte’s first and last novel, Borrowed Time, is winning five-star raves from everyday readers. You can read an excerpt here and an in-depth review here. Also available in hardcover and on Kindle and Audiobook.
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